I pen this journal as an outlet for the thoughts that consume me and present such an internal conflict as I have never faced. How can you live before you die when you’re already dead on the inside? Is our humanity nothing but a mask we wear to convince others we aren’t walking husks forced to persist within a nihilistic cycle of self destruction? Learning what I have of this relic of my order, speaking with Elizabeth, it is so hard to justify not following the path set before me when it has so much potential, coupled with knowing it is one my order has walked as well. Wallowing in existentialism is far from productive, and I know the answer to what I must do. I will write father and Count Archibald. I will ask them what they know of the amulet. I will write Elizabeth. After all, we are only human, and blood is a price my people have paid for uncountable centuries.