“I need to bring you back, Brenna”
“I’m not going. Leave, Baldwin”
I stood there, watching, thinking of something, anything to say to help this situation but a void found my waiting thoughts. Tensions were rising. An altercation was imminent and I had to say something.
“STOP”
I commanded the two divine beings who turned to gaze at me. The will of God, and…something else, stared back and what authority I thought I had wilted. My voice silenced, my thoughts yet again desperately grasping at the void for something to cut through the chaos. I prayed, hoping to find some kind of certainty, confidence, or decisiveness that would help guide me in this. Hellfire, so said Baldwin, began to be flung. Divine along with more and more profane blows were traded and Baldwin faltered, bleeding profusely. I was needed and I knew what I could do to help. My legs found haste as I ran to find my pack. My bunk? Empty. Outside the tavern? Not there. Inside? By the foot of the chair I was not moments earlier sitting at. I snatched a bandage from the front and rushed back to the fray. Baldwin seemed fine, and my heart settled yet again into this uncertain void. Why couldn’t I lead? Why couldn’t I say anything that could help this situation? Ragnar threw himself into the conflict challenging Brenna and that’s when I knew this was not my fight. I hated it, but I was powerless. I wish I could calm Brenna, to convince Baldwin there was another way to do things, but no solutions came to mind. I watched in sullen resignation as Brenna and, now Ragnar, fought and felt my angel’s presence behind me. The mask I wore, the hood I’d dawned weighed heavily on me as I felt, yet again, death’s presence in our community. A comforting wave washed over me as Ragnar did what he felt he had to do. Now my job had started. To be the pillar to those who need it, the guide post for those lost. Why, though, couldn’t that have been sooner? I could’ve saved a valued member of our community had I tried harder, said anything, done something. Again, the wave washed over me as tears rolled down my face under my mask.
